Have faith...

After I read the story, The Very Old Man with Enormous Wings, I started to thinking about what pushes me or motivates me. I start to realize my hopes and values are a lot more important. There are a lot of things in my life where I would sometimes look up to God to help me out. If I believe enough at a certain time or in a certain situation, my wants or needs might come. I can relate myself to the angel a little bit because the angel is an old, dirty person who had hope in surviving. I am just a teenager who has hope of going through conflicts in my life. So, if I have enough hope, I can go through my problem with a positive outcome. This angel also helped other people. So, if I help someone, someone will help me at some point. Doing good things also relate in hope and faith too because once you do a good thing, something good could happen to you. You start to feel positive and kind of happy after you have helped someone out. But, the fact is to just have and give a little faith to others.

OUT sick

Early in the morning you check the time. It is 6:00. Usually you would start to get up and get ready for school. But, not this time. This time you are laying there on the bed. Still. Mom already left. Dad is about to get up and get dressed to go to work. Your sister is also getting dressed and is about to go downstairs to eat breakfast. You start to get dressed, but not to go to school. It is just to fool everyone. You take a shower, get dressed, brush your teeth, and get your backpack.

Your dad leaves and drives your sister to school. You, on the other hand, stay at home for a while because you have first period off. You tell your dad, "I'll walk to school in like 10 minutes, so I'll be fine." But, instead you lie and stroll right back to bed to catch up on some sleep. You start to figure out what to do and you wonder what everyone at school is doing right this instant.

At around 11-ish you leave the house to go for a walk around the block and you wonder what it feels like to go on the roof of your house. So, you go around the back of the house, walk on the porch. You feel ready. You feel energized and ready to just get on the roof. So, you climb the railing onto the roof of the sunroom or sunhouse or whatever its called. You climb on top of that. You are not on the top yet, but you are right in front of your room window. You start to remember all the times you snuck out the house and you remember the good times you had and the bad times you had. The base of the roof is about eye level. You think you are able to climb on there. You think everything will be fine, nothing will happen. It is okay. Both hand on the roof. You push on the roof and thrust yourself up. You pull up your whole body as if you are hopping a fence. You made it. You feel relieved, successful, and you feel powerful. You stand up and walk around the roof. You sit down. You start thinking in your head maybe you will eat lunch up here for today. The nice breeze. The cold, but not too cold, crispy air flowing through your lungs.

You start to get off the roof. You drop down to the sun roof. But, for some reason the porch feels farther than before. You jump down and you land. You start to feel pain in your ankle. You try to walk, but it hurts. You feel so much pain that you regret even going outside. You wonder, "Shit, what the hell am I gonna do?" So, you walk back inside the house. You put ice on it to see if it would feel better. But, it gets too cold. You start to rub and massage your foot as another way to make it feel better. You walk around with a limp around the house. It is about 12:45. You start to make lunch. Leftovers from last night? No. Maybe a sandwich instead. You make the sandwich and walk to the couch in front of the tv. You say to yourself, "So much for planning to eat lunch outside."

Poem

Lorain Ohio,

1940 something,

living in an old pizza parlor,

seeing happy white people walk by through the big window,

sleeping in a small compartment or near a stove,

eating in the same room,

wanting some other place instead of this one,

but this is all you can afford,

mostly depression and anger,

happiness comes by from time to time,

disappointed because you can't get whatever you want,

only what you need,

judging everyone by what you see,

not whats inside,

wanting blue eyes like Shirley Temple,

but forever you are black

The Bluest EyE

I am currently on my second book called The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. It is a pretty good book so far. There are many parts that show a lot of understanding of what this book is about. There is this girl who lives in a pizza parlor and is jealous of the white community. She goes through many problems in her life because her whole family is poor. She struggles through being happy. She want someone to appreciate and like her for who she is. But, it seems that being a white person such as Shirley Temple, at the time, is the way to be beautiful. She doesn't like her because she dances with her relative on the television. She is right now communicating with 3 women who are whores living in an apartment. She is right now looking up to them as family and people that can guide her through her conflicts. She is learning how to be liked by other people from these 3 women. So, I'm guessing she might turn out to be like them because she is walking on their path.